from Karmaville

Wednesday, 29 August 2007

public education

the most embarrassing question after 2 days of work came from a 16 year old who is 7 months pregnant: "Should I circumcise my son?" My response: horror face, “please talk to your family” and “google it!” as I preceded to walk away talking to myself saying “feet, don’t fail me now!”

the following is for IML, PSMartin, Mafidl, SpartanJen and educators everywhere:

(edited forwarded message from fellow coworker) the bolded statements are dear to my heart.

Fun Things for Professors to Do on the First Day of Class
By Alan Meiss

Editor's Note: With tongue in cheek.

Wear a hood with one eyehole. Periodically make strange gurgling
noises

After confirming everyone's names on the roll, thank the class for
attending "Advanced Astrodynamics 690" and mention that yesterday was
the last day to drop.

After turning on the overhead projector, clutch your chest and scream
"MY PACEMAKER!"

Wear a pointed Kaiser helmet and a monocle and carry a riding crop.

Gradually speak softer and softer and then suddenly point to a student
and scream "YOU! WHAT DID I JUST SAY?"

Deliver your lecture through a hand puppet. If a student asks you a
question directly, say in a high-pitched voice, "The Professor can't
hear you, you'll have to ask me, Winky Willy."

Pick out random students, ask them questions, and time their responses
with a stop watch. Record their times in your grade book while
muttering "tsk, tsk."

Ask students to call you "Tinkerbell" or "Surfin' Bird."

Play "Kumbaya" on the banjo.

Show a video on medieval torture implements to your calculus class.
Giggle throughout it.

Wear mirrored sunglasses and speak only in Turkish. Ignore all
questions.

Ask the class to read Jenkins through Johnson of the local phone book
by the next lecture. Vaguely imply that there will be a quiz.

Have one of your graduate students sprinkle flower petals ahead of you
as you pace back and forth.

Announce to students that their entire grades will be based on a
single-question oral final exam. Imply that this could happen at any
moment.

Turn off the lights, play a tape of crickets chirping, and begin singing
spirituals.

As for a volunteer for a demonstration. Ask them to fill out a waiver
as you put on a lead apron and light a blowtorch.

Point the overhead projector at the class. Demand each student's name,
rank, and serial number.

Have a band waiting in the corner of the room. When anyone asks a
question, have the band start playing and sing an Elvis song.

Every so often, freeze in mid sentence and stare off into space for
several minutes. After a long, awkward silence, resume your sentence
and proceed normally.

Wear a "virtual reality" helmet and strange gloves. When someone asks
a question, turn in their direction and make throttling motions with
your hands.

Growl constantly and address students as "matey."

Devote your math lecture to free verse about your favorite numbers and
ask students to "sit back and groove."

Announce that last year's students have almost finished their class
projects.

Inform you English class that they need to know Fortran and code all
their essays. Deliver a lecture on output format statements.

Tell your math students that they must do all their work in a base 11
number system. Use a complicated symbol you've named after yourself in
place of the number 10 and threaten to fail students who don't use it.

Bring a CPR dummy to class and announce that it will be the assistant
for the semester. Assign it an office and office hours.

Have a grad student in a black beret pluck at a bass while you lecture.

Sprint from the room in a panic if you hear sirens outside.

Give an opening monologue. Take two minute "commercial breaks" every
ten minutes.

Announce that you need to deliver two lectures that day, and deliver
them in rapid-fire auctioneer style.

Pass out dental floss to students and devote the lecture to oral
hygiene.

Announce that the entire 32-volume Encyclopedia Britannica will be
required reading for your class. Assign a report on Volume 1, Aardvark
through Armenia, for next class.

Ask students to list their favorite show tunes on a sign up sheet.
Criticize their choices and make notes in your grade book.

Warn students that they should bring a sack lunch to exams.

Show up to lecture in a ventilated clean suit. Advise students to keep
their distance for their own safety and mutter something about "that bug
I picked up in the field."

til' we meet again- ^.^

Amberley Amberley 00:11
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Thursday, 23 August 2007

Babblelonia

I had an interesting 7.5 hour in-service meeting that left me thinking about what is to come this spanking new semester. I just felt like inserting some quotes that may contradict each other. I hope to relax this weekend and actually write a post filled with my rants, soaked in sarcasm, and sweetened with optimism.

Happy Trails!

A few thoughts on education:

Education... has produced a vast population able to read but unable to distinguish what is worth reading. G. M. Trevelyan

Education is what survives when what has been learned has been forgotten.

B. F. Skinner

The advantage of a classical education is that it enables you to despise the wealth that it prevents you from achieving. Russell Green

My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers. Woody Allen

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education. Mark Twain

Quotes by Aldous Huxley:

Maybe this world is another planet's hell.

Most human beings have an almost infinite capacity for taking things for granted.

At least two-thirds of our miseries spring from human stupidity, human malice and those great motivators and justifiers of malice and stupidity: idealism, dogmatism and proselytizing zeal on behalf of religious or political ideas.

An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.

Happiness is not achieved by the conscious pursuit of happiness; it is generally the by-product of other activities.

Amberley Amberley 04:41
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Sunday, 19 August 2007

she did what?

Listening to: Jimmy Buffett “If the Phone Doesn't Ring, It's Me”

lyrics here

I’ve been having one of those days that made me wonder if hell has frozen over.

Reasons:

the weather is not miserable
I get paid in a week and I still have money in my “spending account”
the mean witch, aka "the undead" from the hood smiled to me and her face didn't melt.

but on another note:

I had this brilliant, wonderful and I’m sure profound post going on (slight exaggeration)- and then poof!- someone visited my profile and it disappeared.

I can’t remember much of the babble I had written down, but it taught me a lesson: write first on a notepad or on word!

have a wonderful week my dear motime friends!

Amberley Amberley 23:26
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Saturday, 11 August 2007

nocturnal thoughts

Mymotime:

For the first time in my life I have found myself without a pet to take care of. Although my pooch wasn’t the first beloved pet I’ve lost- It did feel like when I was 6 years old all over again. I could go on and on about my menagerie (cats, dogs, turtles, iguanas, rabbits, strays mostly) but I must move on and save it for another day. Btw: Thank you for all the kind words of sympathy and support.

One of the dreams I MUST achieve in life before I die is to be the author of something more than blogs. This is my 3^rd blog and I hope to keep this one free from descriptions that will get me in trouble or fired, including my picture. I work at a place where people have jeopardized their careers due to the content posted on the infamous “Myspace.com” Of course, I’ve never written offensive material, or appeared in suggestive poses, but you can’t be too careful.

There was a time when I was unfaithful to Motime and I did have a myspace account. The love affair didn’t last long; I think under a month. I was baffled at the amount of information people post about themselves accompanied by trashy pictures. Yes, I know, not everyone is like that, but the “inappropriate” material seems to drown-out the “wholesome.” Myspacers post the schools the have (attempted to) graduate(d) from, employers, a mini resume, etc. I do know for a fact that companies and colleges are researching candidates to see if they are desirable individuals based on what their personal page displays and advertises. I also know for a fact that people have lost scholarships because of this fiasco. Weekend binges and booty-calls are also mentioned as casually as I mention that I have a headache. I am 27 years old and sound just like my mother! but then again, she did teach me to be modest.

No need to guess as to why I pledged to be faithful to Motime: the people! Yes, Motimers are a different breed with class, natural curiosity, and support for one another. I could also go on and on about the qualities of the Motimers, but it would be redundant to point to the obvious.

(much love for you people!!!)

The best seat in the house:

I think the best place to park my heinie in the whole house is the chair that I use to cruise online, and from time to time, to also write my college papers. We can also call it the Procrastinator’s Throne. Actually, it’s not just used to procrastinate, but at times, I don’t get things done that should. period and exclamation point.! is there a word for that? not getting things done at all? it’s not lazy.

For over a year I have been debating whether or not replace this beat up chair, which is in front of my computer desk. The chair is soooo old, that I can’t even remember when or where I got it. The color is a faded shade of blueish gray with a few strips of metal color duct tape that serve as band aids. I must confess that the tape adds the look of “futuristic tacky” to the room.

It’s not that I don’t have the money to buy something new; it’s that I don’t want to go thru the hassle of replacing a chair that has the right dimensions and is comfortable for my back. Perhaps the notion of getting rid off the chair creates a bigger argument. I usually don’t have a difficult time eliminating material objects from my life. I donate every year things to Goodwill. Whatever I haven’t used or worn in 12 months- out it goes.

This is the chair I’ve used to contemplate life, cry, watch tv, smile, laugh, manage anger, look out the window, play solitaire, admire birds and squirrels, think absurd thoughts, and put them in writing.

I should’ve had something better to write about- like Mr. No Neck or the guy who thinks I’m cute, or about finding a clove of garlic in my mouth, biting in to it, and being considered lucky for it. (Italian traditions) I wanted to get my mind off things so I blogged about something, nothing. Whatever.

Thought of the day:

“The difference between a flower and a weed is judgment.” Dr. Wayne Dyer

Amberley Amberley 06:20
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Wednesday, 08 August 2007

My first child was a dog

My first child was a dog. (name withheld) he had golden, curly locks and a round face like mine. He had a good nose for finding things that weren’t meant for him and a persistence I wish I possess.

August 6^th will for forever mark the date I lost my beloved pet and loyal companion. He was the Kaiser of my heart. Solace comes from knowing that he passed away in peace and knowing he was greatly loved. It was a long, sleepless night with showers of memories and tears. My eyes still feel heavy- like the time I drove nonstop all night through the low country a few years back.

the small space under my desk was one of his lairs. I keep the papers for recycling there and he loved to take them out from the paper bag and leave them on the floor as a statement that he was the boss. I can’t bring myself to pickup those papers- but will have to, someday.

Yesterday was a beautiful day filled with sunshine and a gentle breeze under the shade- exactly like the day we adopted one another other 13 years ago. my visit to the farmer’s market was nothing out of the ordinary, and I was hoping to have him home by 4. At 2:15 he passed and I got the call. I fell to my knees in shock and in pain. I felt sick to my stomach accompanied by a pain in my soul. I’m sure I screamed too. He’s heart was too weak to survive a little surgery.

His love was great and unconditional- although he got jealous often. I could not pet another animal or he would stare me down. He had many nicknames: baby, piggly-wiggly, fatso, lil’ angel but the one he loved the most was “gorgeous!” His favorite treats were: snausages, vanilla ice cream, cheese, apples, lettuce, tomatoes, peanut butter, and white peaches. The sound of him eating potato chips has been recorded in my mind and will last forever. Luckily I saved some video of him using my bed as a giant napkin after a wonderful meal. To me that was his way of saying “thank you and I love you.”

He would wag his tail when I arrived home or woke up in the morning. I greeted him back with a kiss on his nose and long belly rubs that weren’t long enough. And how can I forget how much he loved to be bathed- as much as a cat. My gorgeous dog licked my face every day and once, even wiped my tears away. My dog had character and personality, perhaps even better than some humans. I’ve always said: “the more I know people, the more I love my dog.”

During some cold nights he removed the comforter from my bed to create a nest. In a few occasions he would even borrow one of my pillows to be extremely comfortable.

By the end my baby lost some of his hearing, but he seemed to be able to recognize when I whistled “Fur Elise”, the theme from “The Andy Griffith Show”, or played Frank Sinatra on the radio.

I kissed the nose and head of my baby for a last time while caressing behind the ear. The doc closed the door and I had to make cremation arrangements.

when sleep finally came this morning after 4am, I kept dreaming about him. In all the dreams he was happy and carefree- free from pain and in peace.

I shared half my life with him and it’s going to take me some time to recover. He had more attention and love than many children I’ve encountered with my career. His birthday was celebrated not only by my family, but by my friends as well. He had 13 happy birthdays with cake and all! To know him was to love him.

When my time comes to be a mom, I know I’ll be ready.

“My aim in life is to be the kind person my dog thinks I am” (author unknown)

Amberley Amberley 00:33
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Monday, 06 August 2007

Welcome to my world: a carbaholic, free thinker, searcher of quotes and metaphors who has a sarcastic sense of humor.

"No pessimist ever discovered the secret of the stars, or sailed to unchartered land, or opened a new doorway for the human spirit."

—Helen Keller

Amberley Amberley 05:56
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