Currently listening to Feeling Good by Michael Bublé.  

July 1st- how did you get here so quickly?  Half of my summer vacation is over and now it’s time for me to do all the things I don’t have the change to engage in while working full-time and being a part-time college student.  This past weekend was my farewell to my car-payment-free days.  I finally made it to the Sex and the City movie for my friend’s bday.  The movie was good, and the meal was overrated, mediocre and expensive.  However, the Cosmos were out of this world.  (all puns intended) Carrie has a line on the movie about women and the stages in life that was my a-ha! moment.  The 20’s are to have fun, 30’s to learn lessons, and 40’s to buy the drinks.  Well, I’ve done all those things and I’m not even 30!  I’ll refrain from detailed grown-up complications at this time. 

Friend B has introduced me to Scrabble online (scrabulous) and that can quickly become an addiction.  It’s 92° outside, which feels cool compared to the 100° we’ve had all month of June, and I can’t be inside playing games on a computer.  Besides, I have a new-used car that I must ride around.  Yep, I’ve been officially declared in debt until death do us part.  Funny thing is that I had never considered this make and model, Kia Optima.  I feel a cliché coming up! Never judge a book by its cover.  I researched for 3 weeks and went to “expert” websites and I believe I’ve made a choice and decision that I can live with.  This research went beyond thoughts and became almost an obsession. 

The second highlight of this summer, aside from the car, has been making a new friend who fills me with hope, optimism, reasoning, etc. She has gotten me to read The Secret, a book I can’t agree with 100%, but it’s worth looking into. (if you’re into the law of attraction).  It all got started from the vintage Cabbage Patch doll keychain hanging from my purse. (the one in pink) Two grown women talking about dolls and their carefree childhoods- that makes for a perfect summer afternoon with open-face sandwiches and all.    

later!

I had a wonderful day off driving a rental around town and across county lines.  Lately I’ve spent much of my time researching cars and dealerships online.  Just a Girl by No Doubt came on, the volume knob went up, petal to the metal (65 miles) and I sang my heart-out.  Sure, gas is $4 per gallon, the temps was just 100° but I need it that.  How soon is now by The Smiths came on as I pulled to the driveway.  Sometimes I believe the car is my stage, even if it’s small, and the sound system is not the greatest.  Tomorrow I celebrate the 4^th of July early, as well as my friend’s b-day.  The day should conclude with fireworks or lightning, thunder, and/or heavy rain.   Maybe I’ll share pics of the occasion. 

I’m hoping to get better at the art of intimidation.  So far in my car search I’ve met intimidation by vulture-like salesmen and from me in return.  Nothing annoys those clowns more and a female consumer willing to do a cash deal, and who won’t believe a word they say and walks away.  I’m alone in this, and very grateful for the experience to prove to myself that I can play with the “big boys.”  I’ve narrowed my options to two, and decision will be made before Monday.  (I hope)

Working at a dept store is not that fun and glamorous at it sounds.  24 minutes into my morning shift and I was already bored beyond my cynical expectation.  My special duty was to put security tags on over 100 pairs of designer sunglasses.  I’ve only worked at this place for a week and I can already predict the next song that will be playing.  10:24 can only mean that it’s time for Miley Cirus to be broadcasted thru much of the store.  As I sing her song in my head a coworker interrupts me and proceeds to inquire if I am happy with my religion, as is she were asking about my long distance provider.  The nerve!  I continued on declined politely to talk about the subject.  I’ve learned by working with teens to not take it from anyone.  This has also been helpful when dealing with the various car salesmen I’ve encountered.  The worst thing to know is that I get more money here than at the school.  Not much, but it’s more. 

While at work I have a lot of time to think, meditate, plan, map-out my life, lay out the pieces of my puzzled life, etc.  I no loner tango with ideas; I know exactly what I want- finally! And know how to get it, but patience is key.  Following my passion is worth the price of the lonely embrace-less moments that intoxicate the air some nights.  (Sigh)

Enough for now about talking about nothing.

Have you ever realized that all the decisions made before noon were the wrong ones?  Perhaps it’s the power of fate that lures us to our mistakes.  Mistake has such a negative connotation- it’s more like unwanted experience.  A little voice told me to not go thru the drive thru window, but I did anyways.  My defiance resulted in the total loss of my car.  The disobedience to this voice also told me to not drive on that road that leads to the fast food place.  But did I listen?  No one was hurt and I wasn’t at fault, but the fender bender caused severe damage to my already old car.  So now I must find a vehicle that meets my need$.   But overall, I feel lucky and happy with my life- as stressful as it is.   I’ve even been more optimistic than my usual.  If I were a cupcake I would have sprinkles of depression, a thin coat of tears with a sweet center.  I even got a summer job after I swore several times that I wouldn’t do again.  At least I’ll only work under 30 hours a week this time around. 

At work I had a challenging year that culminated with 5 great senior kids unable to graduate due to the standardized tests.  I doubt that the people who came up with NCLB are capable to pass such ridiculous exams that hinder students from receiving their darn diplomas.  How fair is it to the kids who passed every single class and earned all the required credits to graduate and not get a degree?  My Lord!  Okay, enough with the frustration. 

I’ve managed to have some fun which involved my conscious decision to be a potential walking target of random violence.  After having access to a city rail/train service for 10 years or so, I decided this was going to be the time I rode it for the first time to the big city.  It took me just 30 minutes to arrive to the heart of the heartless place.  There are only hot buildings covered with glass and 100 lawyers per homeless guy.  I quickly began to reminisce about the time I was a teen and lived there.  I suddenly remembered that I loved to listen to New Order as I walked to and from school on my yellow Sony walkman.  (fav song here)  Back in the 90’s we didn’t have a train or the option to see all the graffiti tagging on buildings, not to mention the abandoned cars with their rusty colors that give the city the shabby ghetto chic style. (Pardon my frankness)  I realized that I'm an owner of memories I made on various city corners.  On Abrams I was asked out on my first date.  I learned to drive on the Sam’s parking lot on Park Lane.  The best Italian Pizza can still be found on Lovers Lane where I the echoes of my teenage laughter still reside.  My episodes of depression inhabit the apartments on Kingsley.  I became a woman on White Rose Lane. (It can’t be anymore poetic or pathetic)  I thought I had forgotten about the breakup on Kelly Way, but it’s there just like Bishop St, my favorite place to be.  I’ve come a long way, baby!

To continue with my trip:  My worst nightmare came true when I had anxiety attack on the underground platform.  The beating of a drum was inside my chest and head and the sensation that I was going to drown in my own sweat has been memorable.  I can only attribute this episode to the fear of heights.  (more on that some other time)  I could’ve dropped dead and no one would’ve noticed.  Regardless, I did enjoy a wonderful film at the indie film center and great company at lunch with an old friend.  (Films I’ve watched recently and highly recommend: Death at a Funeral, The Visitor, Diary of a Mad Black Woman, Under the Same Moon, 27 Dresses, and Juno)

I can’t remember who said that “the sweet isn’t sweet without the sour” but it fits my life  right now. 

Missed you all!

Just puttin' my cut & paste skills to work: 

A  WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...

enough money within her control to move out
and rent a place of her own, even if she never wants to or needs to...


A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE  ..

something perfect to wear if the employer, or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour...


A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE  ..

a youth she's content to leave behind....


A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE  ...

a past juicy enough that she's looking forward  to
retelling it in her old age. ...


A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE  .....

a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra...


A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE

one friend who always makes her laugh... and one who lets her cry...


A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE  ....

a good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family...


A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE  ...

eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems and a recipe for a meal that will make her

guests feel honored...


A WOMAN SHOULD  HAVE ..

a feeling of control over her destiny.


EVERY WOMAN SHOULD  KNOW ...

how to fall in love without losing herself.


EVERY WOMAN SHOULD  KNOW...

how to quit a job, break up with a lover, and  confront a friend without ruining the friendship...


EVERY WOMAN SHOULD  KNOW...

when to try harder... and WHEN TO WALK  AWAY...


EVERY WOMAN SHOULD  KNOW...

that she can't change the length of her calves,
the width of her hips or the nature of her parents..


EVERY WOMAN SHOULD  KNOW...

that her childhood may not have been perfect...but its over...


EVERY WOMAN SHOULD  KNOW...

what she would and wouldn't do for love or  more...


EVERY WOMAN SHOULD  KNOW...

how to live alone... even if she doesn't like  it...


EVERY WOMAN SHOULD  KNOW..

whom she can trust,
whom she can't,
and why she shouldn't take it personally...


EVERY WOMAN SHOULD  KNOW...

where to go...
be it to her best friend's kitchen table...
or a charming inn in the woods...
when her soul needs soothing...

EVERY WOMAN  SHOULD KNOW...

what she can and can't accomplish in a day... a month...and a year...

Currently listening to one of my favorite songs “Read My Mind” by The Killers. 

I’ve been away for so long that I can’t believe it.  Writing for pleasure is one of my favorite things, even when no one reads my words. I won’t have that luxury for a while.  Oh well.

What have I been doing?  Here’s the top 10 in random order:

1. Keeping up with the paperwork while the kids are reloadin’
2. Thinking to myself “damn you! existentialist thoughts”
3. Reading quotes that appear on my desk
4. Battling with a foot that won’t heal
5. Studying for 2 rigorous college classes
6. Changing my major for the 3^rd or 4^th time
7. Reading Nietzsche’s bio for fun
8. Residing in a sleep-deprived state
9. Attending wrestling & bowling matches, and concerts in which my students partake
10. Watching all the pieces fall into place

 Since I can’t find the words to exactly express what I’m feeling; I’ll leave these random quotes from my desk- enjoy! 

We are what we do repeatedly.  Excellence is not an act, but a habit.  Aristotle

If we were able to do all the things we are able to accomplish, we would truly be amazed.  Thomas Edison

Life’s tragedy is not being able to reach a goal.  The tragedy is to not have a goal to reach.  Benjamin Mays

People with success have learned to force themselves to learned to do what needs to be done, when it has to be done, whether they like it or not.  Aldous Huxley

Opportunities are generally disguised as hard work, so most people don’t recognize it.  Ann Landers

The one who never falls has never climbed.  Anonymous

All things are difficult before they are easy.  Thomas Fuller

Free quote of the day brought to me via conversation with former prof.  Wisdom is what is acquired when you could’ve used thee. 

Oh –kay! I had an ADD episode at Target.  I’ve never been diagnosed as having ADD, but I think I have a mild case.  There I was at Target buying all the Christmas gift wrap paper I’ll need for next year for .49¢ and debating of which design is better: candy canes, snowflakes or snowmen?  Then I’m struck political questions and decisions. I come from a family of life-long republicans, but I’m not.  But I also come from the school of cynics and believe that when it comes to politics and politician it’s a matter of selecting the lesser of two evils.  As for the paper- I went with the jolly snowmen.  In politics- my ideal ticket is Clinton-Edwards 08. 

The greeting cards also caused me to venture into the muddy waters in my mind.  There are so many freaggin’ options when it comes to the obligatory greeting card fiasco.  My relatives should know me better my now, but No.  You have no idea how hard it’s for me to find what I think is the best “Season’s Greetings” card.  But I finally found them- of course, for next year.  What made them perfect was the price tag of 75% off original price.  This made me wonder as to what people do with the holiday cards or greeting cards for that matter that they receive each year.  I began to save all my cards about 5 years ago when I received a carefully written thank you card by a graduating senior.  I think that before then I was too much of a rebel to save cards with honest sentiments.  I have 2 albums with all the greeting cards that I wish to keep- just a handful have ended up in the trash b/c I really, really, really abhor the individuals who gave them to me.  (So here I am, writing at how distracted I am, and my mind is diverted somewhere far away from my original thought!)  But really, what do y’all do with all those cards?

My Christmas holiday is coming to an end, as I must go back to the torture chamber, I mean work on Monday.  Boo-hoo.  I’ve been sick, and lazy, and I have loved every minute of it!  Really, I could spend the entire day in bed.  I watched more CSI and crime mystery movies than I dare to count, but I also did some cleaning.  I eliminated unnecessary *stuff* from my life- cards, letters, poems, and even some old diaries from the dark era in my life.  All of those words create a load that is unnecessary for me to carry.  I had a bitter sweet moment when I found a love poem an old love wrote to me, to then get suspiciously curious and Googled it!  When I first received it- the words made my heart flutter with happiness, and now that I know that it was written for someone else by a cyber poet, the sides of my stomach hurt by laughing so much at my naiveté.  I still can’t depart from some old love notes, but the time will come, as it does for everything.

Till we meet again,

Amberley

After two weeks of audits at work- I find myself free for Christmas break (according to the lawyers, its “winter break”) and I can’t jump for joy due to an injured left foot that is taking too long to heal.  Yes, I have put away the nauseating thoughts of missing documents, misbehaved children who are either over-medicated, self-medicating, or not medicated enough, deadlines, and the germs on my desk. 

Christmas was fun, even when I’m an agnostic at heart.  There weren’t any memorable last minute trips to Target with mom in the freezing rain, like last year, not even stupid arguments with the family that seem to strength our bond.  Perhaps it’s because of the pain killers in the system that I haven’t been a scrooge.  Ha-ha!  I didn’t ask for anything, but I got more than I expected.  For the inquiring minds: I received:  brown ankle-length boots, chocolates, $, lotions, bath gels, and my new best friend- a paper shredder!    This holiday was memorable for what it was and it wasn’t. 

I can’t decide which day has been the best thus far.  Sure I have been sick, but in comparison with the rest of my life, these have been like a holiday in a bungalow in some exciting location!  Yesterday I spent the entire day with my friend who is recuperating from back surgery- as we walked together around the house we looked like penguins marching. (lol)  With 3 lovable dogs, and 5 handicap rabbits; I truly don’t know how the Chanukah bush was squeezed in. Sister Margarita baptized the blender while dinner burnt in the oven.  I made a mad dash to Pei Wei for some spicy garlic shrimp which I know from memory it smells exotic, but I couldn’t smell anything due to my cold.  I was in the best of companies- we laughed, we cried, we ate, and we laughed some more.  I’m sure it smelled like happiness. 

Happy New Year, y’all!

The best part about this week is to know that it’s finally over!  (Sigh)

cartoon here

To do is to be- Nietzsche

To be is to do- Kant

Do be do be do- Sinatra

Before we know it kids will be trick-or-treating on the 4th of July wearing Easter bunny suits.  (got it via email and thought of sharing.)